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Although her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,
his wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he finally came to,
he motioned for her to come closer.
As she sat on the bed beside him he said,
' Yu know yu' deh wid mi through all the bad times. When mi went bankrupt and lost mi business, yu stood by mi side. When mi get shot, yu deh by mi side.. When wi lost the house, yu was dere. When mi car crash an mi bruk up yu was dere. When mi health started to fail, yu was dere, and when a start to get worse, yu was dere...right by mi side....
Every time sumpn' bad happen to me yu is right dere....
Yu know something?...
Yu know sey it look like yu a crosses?
A Mental Test
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they
were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna
promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim
out.
When the medical director became aware of Edna's heroic act, he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Edna the news he said, "Edna, I have good news and
bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able
to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindness. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
Timbuktu:
The National Poetry Contest was now down to the last two contestants; A Yale graduate and a Jamaican Rasta man. They were given a word and were allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “ Timbuktu ”. First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said: “Slowly across the desert sand, trecked a lonely caravan; Men on camels…two by two; their destination? Timbuktu . A big applause went up! No way could the Rasta man top that, they thought.
The Rasta man calmly made his way to the microphone and recited: “Me and Tim, went on de road, three thief stop wi, an want wi load. They were three, and we were two… So I bucked one and Timbuktu .
The crowd went wild!! The Rasta man won.
We are what we are
Because we were born that way
If during the course of our lives we happen to change
It is not because we want to
But because of the circumstances in which we live
And the pressures that are constantly applied against us.
Cedolph H Kennedy
(1978)
The Jamaican Ginnal
A Jamaican guy walks into a whorehouse in New York and asks, "You have a girl work here from Jamaica name Arlene?"
"Yes," answers the madam. "Go on up to Room 6." So the fellow went up to Room 6 and knocked on the door. When the woman answered, he asked "Yu name Arlene, don't it?"
"Yeah man, a me dat," replied the woman.
"Well, a have a couple Hundred dollas...." he proudly announced.
With that, the hooker interrupted him, grabbed the money, opened the door wide and hauled him by the shirt into the room. After a little rest from the vigorous sex, the fellow got up to leave. "Will you be here tomorrow?" he asked.
"Yeah Man," Arlene said, "Me will deh yah."
The next night, the fellow comes back and gives up $200. When they were done, he's sitting on the side of the bed, and asks. "Will you be here tomorrow night?"
"Honey," replied the hooker, "Mi deh yah every night fi you".
Night comes and the fellow was back in action. When they were done, they are both sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Tell me sumthin'," Arlene said, "what part of Jamaica yu from?"
"Portmore," replied the fellow with a satisfied grin.
"True ? Me have one sister live inna Portmore yuh know!" the hooker exclaimed.
"I know dat," the fellow replied, "She gimme six hundred dollas fi gi yu!"
Quietness is not weakness
It is a manifestation of
Strength and character.
Gibran
(Lebanese Philosopher)
The moving finger writes
Having writ moves on
Nor all thy piety or wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a line
Nor all thy tears
Wash out a word of it.
Omar Khayam
(Iranian Philosopher)
BOOTS: A Trini And A Guyanese:
There was once a Trini and a Guyanese who lived next door to each other. The Trini owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day the Trini looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Guyanese's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Guyanese pick up the egg.
The Trini ran up to the Guyanese and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Guyanese disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Trini said, "Back home, we normally solve disputes by the following actions:
I kick you in your kook-a-looks and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the kook-a-looks and time how long it takes for me to get up, whomever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Guyanese agreed to this and so the Trini went inside and found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Guyanese and kicked him as hard as he could in the balls.
POW!
The Guyanese fell to the floor clutching his groin howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Guyanese stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you,"
The Trini said, "Nah, keep the egg."
Professor James Aggrey's Memory Lives On
Professor James Aggrey was one of the greatest Africans of modern times. He was the first Vice-Principal of Achimota University College in Ghana and whose death in 1927 at the age of 52 was a grievous loss to the human race. Here are two of his memorable utterances:
“Education is not simply the three R’s but also the three H’s, the head, the hand and the heart”.
“You can play a tune of sorts on the black notes of a piano. You can play a tune of sorts on the white notes. But for real harmony you must use both the black and the white”.
If only the race industry of the First World countries would adopt Professor Aggrey’s positive approach to race!
A MATTER OF SIGHT:
1997 World Women's Conference.
The First speaker from England spoke: "At last years' conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself."
"After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." The crowd cheered.
The second speaker from America spoke: "After last years' conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his Laundry and that he would have to do it himself.
After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well." The crowd cheered.
The third speaker from Jamaica spoke: "Hafter las' year conference wen mi go ome an tell mi usband seh mi nah do nuh more cookin fi im nor cleanin nor shoppin, an dat im woulda haffi do dem imself.
Hafter di fus day mi nuh si nothin. Hafter di second day, mi still nuh si nothin neither. But hafter di third day, as the swelling go dung, me coulda si a likkle bit outta mi left eye."
LIFE AND LOVE
I live to love and love to live
To see, to touch, to heart, to give
The grass is green the air is sweet
The pitter-patter of tiny feet.
When we are young we tend to show
The kind of person we will grow
Because of this it sometimes mean
The future of a darn good dream.
The sweetness of the life we lead
Can be derived by thought and deed
This seldom means that we should be
A victim of society.
The earth, the sky, the sun, the moon
Is what it takes to make life bloom
But life and love to me are more
Than being alone to become a bore.
Cedolph H Kennedy
(1975)
Ah Cuss Out De Boss:
Two West Indians were drinking in a bar and complaining about their boss that he was a real pain in the butt always giving them a hard time. The next day they met at bar again and the Bajan began boasting to the Trini, "boy ah cuss out de boss man real good, and when ah done, ah ask 'e fuh a raise and he gih it to me."
Trini looked at Bajan in suprise and asked "you mean he did'n fire you?". So the next day Trini went in to work and began to cuss up the boss who looked at him and promptly fired him on the spot.
That afternoon when Trini met Bajan in the bar again, he told him what happened earlier. Bajan explained "Trini muh friend, when I cuss de bossman, I cuss he in muh mind."
How Long Before I Can Get A Haircut?
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How
long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come back." A little while later, Bill
comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill,
where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!"
Teri’s Song
I am a child, a child of the Lord
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, praise be to God
I am special from the day I was born
So with faith I can weather any storm
He gave me life and hope from above
I won’t forget his undying love
The Lord will bless me every day
He’ll shine his light on me in everyway
I will sing to the Lord with pride
As he takes me through the stormy tide
He will always be at my side
To make my way a smoothing glide
Great ruler of the land and sea
This road is a weary mile for thee
But I can feel him smiling at me
So my journey will end with glee
I will sing, sing with all my might
Praises to him day and night
At the end I will see the light
Shinning for me oh so bright
Teri-P
Lunchtime is Lunchtime
The office phone rings, one of the employees picks up and says:
"What kind of an idiot is it that dares to phone me in the middle of my lunch break?!?"
The caller shouts back:
"Do you have any idea whom you are talking to...? I am the CEO of this company!"
The employee replies:
"Do you have any idea whom YOU are talking to?"
Perplexed the CEO mumbles: "NO!!!"
The employee heaves a sigh of relieve and say:
"Thank goodness for that!!" and hangs up.
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